~ a breakthrough

I can't believe it's been a month since I wrote on this little blog! What in the world happened? 

In one of my devotional books ("My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers) I keep running across notations in the margins asking the same question?  Why can't I maintain this or that?  Why the same issues spread several years/decades apart?  I began reading that book in the 70s.  Then into the 80s there were notations.  Then into the 90s there were similar notations.  Apparently I'd lay that book aside for long periods and go to some other devotional book (Puritans, Charles Spurgeon, Sinclair Ferguson, etc.)  All great books!

Now, in 2013, that little, kinda beat up, red Oswald Chamber's book is back in my devotional life.  Some of the same questions come into my mind that I was asking in 1991.

Today, Friday, March 15, He gave me the answer.  It was like a bolt literally out of Heaven - as powerful as the waterfall in the picture. I was dressing to go to work for a little while; I'll always remember where I was standing when He spoke to me so clearly.

Jayne, it's not about you "maintaining" - it's about you being abandoned to Jesus Christ - not for what you need from Him (which is everything - but that's not it) - not for what He can/has/will do for you - not for how you hope He answers serious prayers for you and your family - not for making you feel "spiritually tuned in" - not for cleaning you up as a sinner saved by grace - not for the graces He daily showers on you and yours - not for just being grateful for His choosing you - not for any ministry He may let you or direct you to do - not for any common sense, good, right, proper things in your life -

None of what I consider "good and right" things/actions/ideas/ministry/etc., etc., etc. are IT -

What it is, is:
A personal, abiding, quiet, intense relationship with Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit is the only lasting way to "maintain" that quiet, peaceful, joyful walk in this world. 

He put me here for one reason and one reason only -

 

to give Him the glory for everything - 

whatever happens -

the good and trials -

breathing in and out -

happy days -

sad days -

good health -

sickness -

prayers answered yes and prayers answered no -

seeing everything as His sovereign hand moving -

 

It's time for me to stop trying to figure out why I keep going over

the same ground and let Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit

be all I need, all I want, and all I trust.

 

"Be still and know that I Am God."

Psalm 46.10

 

God never misplaces us ~

 

Foggy ~ dark ~ mysterious ~ the unknown ~ trials ~ shadows ~ quiet ~ where is God?

 

Sometimes life is full of sunshine and roses ~ sometimes life is full of trials and the unknowns

 

but

 

for a Christian, life is never to be lived in dejection during the trials ~

 

if I am dejected it's of my own choice ~

 

Jesus didn't leave me ~ but I can choose to leave Him ~
 

 what a waste!  what a shame!

 

 

 

- Oswald Chambers from My Utmost for His Highest -

 

"What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops."  Matthew 10.27

 

At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear Him.

"What I tell you in darkness" - watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut. Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will talk in the wrong mood: darkness is the time to listen. Don't talk to other people about it; don't read books to find out the reason of the darkness, but listen and heed. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.

After every time of darkness there comes a mixture of delight and humiliation (if there is delight only, I question whether we have heard God at all), delight in hearing God speak, but chiefly humiliation - "What a long time I was in hearing that! How slow I have been in understanding that!"

And yet God has been saying it all these day and weeks and months. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God NOW.

 

 

This devotional really spoke to me and something a friend put in an email to me this week is this blog's title: 

"God never misplaces us." 

 

 

"Be still and know that I am God."  Psalm 46.10

 



~ my word for 2013 ~



On New Year's Day I was with some of my family and we decided to answer the call that a Sunday School class issued the Sunday before:

~ choose a spiritual word for 2013

 

it could be: 

 

~ a goal

~ a change

~ a challenge

~ whatever the Lord put on our hearts

~ we knew it should be a proactive word - something we would act on - grow with - walk in  - pray through - on and on and on went the discussion

~ we also knew that the Lord should choose our word for us depending on what He wanted us -  individually - to focus on in our walk with Him

A few days later, during my devotional time, it hit me like a bolt!

~ My word ~

WORSHIP

Worship is a proactive word and is a decision made regarding how I view everything in relation to God. Whatever God gives, teaches, withholds, blesses - everything - it is always the best - be careful what I do with what God gives - return it to Him with thanksgiving as an act of worship.

Meditate before God and offer back to Him everything as a deliberate act of worship.

What I do publicly is a direct result of how I live my quiet times with Him privately. Quiet times with Him are as vital as breathing. Without that, we will always choose wrongly - will always go off on our own way - will always get it backwards -

He tells us over and over in His word -

"Follow Me"
"Come unto Me"
"Trust Me"
"I am your All in All" 
Pray (to Me) without ceasing"

Why would I think that anything less would ever work?  How absurd.  How absolutely absurd! I/we have to fill our noisy world with times of quiet in worship of our King - every day - every single day.  It's not about "going away on a retreat."  It's about setting aside time every day during the midst of a wildly busy life - time alone with Him - time for thanksgiving and worship ~

 My daughter created and gave me this gorgeous necklace -

I can celebrate this focus on WORSHIP every time I

wear it and hopefully share a testimony of how it came to be.

 

She included the word WORSHIP to which she added 

"El-Shaddai" one of my favorite names for God - "Almighty God"

along with the Psalm that influenced my choice

 

"Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name;

worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness." 

Psalm 29.2

 

God does not want us to just hang on to a spiritual blessing; He wants us

to thank Him for it; worship Him in it; then share it with others as a blessing

to them; He'll bring people into our lives who need to hear.

He wants us to multiply the blessings; not hoard them.

That's part of WORSHIP.

 

Blessings,

Jayne

 

 

 

 

. . . separated unto the Gospel . . .

 

God is leading me into some new revelations about Himself and

how I am to live my life as a daughter of the King.

It's a work in progress . . .

 

Am I "separated unto the Gospel"? Romans 1.1

 

Atonement.

Redemption.

Salvation.

Sanctification.

 

"And I, if I be lifted up will draw all men unto Myself."  John 12.32

 

 

Why has God left me here? to do what? He could have saved me and taken me to heaven.

He didn't.

Why?

"For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for

themselves but for Him who for their sake died and was raised."  2 Corinthians 5.14-15

 

 

Sanctification. Do I even really understand sanctification?

 

 

"My Utmost for His Highest"  - Oswald Chambers:

We take the term sanctification much too lightly. Are we prepared for what sanctification will cost?  It will cost an intense narrowing of all our interests on earth and an immense broadening of all our interests in God. Sanctification means intense concentration on God's point of view. It means every power of body, soul and spirit chained and kept for God's purpose only. Are we prepared for God to do in us all that He separated us for?

Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the disposition that ruled Him will rule us. Are we prepared for what that will cost? It will cost everything that is not of God in us.

______________________________

 

 

So, God is showing me that He saved me for a purpose way outside myself.

 

It's all about Him ~ 

Jesus' atonement ~

Bringing glory to Him ~

His everlasting love ~

Living a separated life ~

 

 

More later.

 

Blessings ~

 

 

 

. . . be still ~

A Meaningful Gift ~

This was was my Christmas present from one of my daughters ~

Last year the Lord, in the midst of my affliction, knew that He needed to calm me and "get my attention" about a few things.

He gave me the verse, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46.10), and it has become my life verse.

I love wearing this necklace with these words. It has opened several great conversations when people admire it, and I'm able to share what it means to me.

Just wanted to share it with you!

Blessings,
Jayne


Isn't it pretty?!

it changes everything ~

Meditation ~

By meditation I can converse with God, solace myself on the bosom of the Saviour, bathe myself in the rivers of divine pleasure, tread the paths of my rest, and view the mansions of eternity.  - Anonymous

The Lord has taught me in the past year and a half what "meditation" is.  It is not as mysterious as it sounds or as I've always made it out to be.

Get alone with God!

Pray first!

Then . . .

Meditation is just getting into the Word; asking for and trusting in the leading and teaching of the Holy Spirit; reading Scripture in large chunks every day; concentrating on what it is saying; listening; loving and joying in what is in each chapter and verse; dig deeper.

This has not been like a "Bible study" for me; it's been a "getting alone with my Savior (and dearest friend) and enjoying and loving Him." 

I think reading the book of Romans in sections of four chapters a day - the whole book in four days (16 chapters) - over and over and over and over - was the beginning of a new journey for me.

Then the book of John. Same thing.
Then many of the Psalms. Same thing.
Hebrews. Same thing.
Reading and re-reading Psalm 119 - over and over
etc., etc., etc. 

It changes everything ~

Time alone with God ~ 
Time in the Word ~ 
Listening. Listening. Listening.
Worship ~ 
Thinking about Jesus and His atonement for me ~
Thinking about El-Shaddai ~
Thanking Him for all things ~

Meditation is a life-changing spiritual activity!

Blessings,
Jayne

people become shadows ~

Summer of 2011:

Looking back again in this post - I ended a post a few days ago with a question of whether the acupuncture treatments were going to be the answer and the post shingles neuralgia would begin to heal. The answer: No. After 13 treatments, I knew that was over! My doctor was wonderful, but she was puzzled that there was no improvement.  I was beginning to know that this was just between the Lord and me and He had a plan, and I'd best pay attention to Him and Him alone.
Peace ~
Rest ~
Trust ~
This was a good, good time.

Some more entries in my Thanksgiving Journal during the summer of 2011:
~ chosen
~ friendships
~ flowers
~ slept for six hours in a row!
~ pain is the same
~ a frowning Providence
~ Your love is my shelter
~ joy in the midst of confinement
~ Psalm 56.8 "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle; are they not in Your Book?"  Love this!
~ more pain than usual for a few days!
~ lessons in contentment
~ Psalm 119
~ Shellie's joy
~ Shannon and Greg arrived safely in DC
~ no expectations
~ acceptance
~ a different vision
~ life change?

I could go on and on, but looking back at these few things for which I was learning to give thanks is a good exercise in where this journey began and where I am today!


January 19, 2013:

"As soon as God becomes real, people become shadows. Nothing that other saints do or say can ever perturb the one who is built on God.
"Whenever God gives a vision to a saint, He puts him, as it were, in the shadow of His hand, and the saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a darkness which comes from excess of light, and then is the time to LISTEN. Genesis 15 is an illustration of listening to good advice - (from people) when it is dark - instead of waiting for God to send the light. When God gives a vision and darkness follows, WAIT. God will work in accordance with the vision He has given if you will wait His time. Never try and help God fulfil His word! Abraham went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed; there was no possibility left of relying on common-sense ways. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not of displeasure. Never pump up joy and confidence, but stay upon God.
"Have I any confidence in the flesh? Or have I got beyond all confidence in myself and in men and women of God; in books, in prayers and ecstasies; and is my confidence placed now in God Himself, not in His blessings?"
~ Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Blessings,
Jayne
 

'the iron did swim'

2 Kings 6.1-6
And the sons of the prophets said unto Elisha, 'Behold now, the place where we dwell with thee is too strait for us. Let us go . . . where we may dwell . . .' and they came to the Jordan . . . and the axe head fell into the water . . . . and the iron did swim.

What was borrowed and seemed hopelessly lost, floated to the surface. The man of God was directed by God to cast a stick into the water and the iron did swim. Contrary to all expectation, the iron was made to mount from the depth of the water and to swim; for things impossible with man are possible with God.
--Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evenings, January 13

Today's devotional struck me deeply on many levels.

No matter how desperate my case might seem; no matter how desperate the case of a family member(s) is; no matter how pathetic the condition of our world is; He would have me remember: "With God, all things are possible."  Matthew 19.26

He wants me/us to come to the throne of Grace, praying in Jesus name, believing and seeking His sovereign will; and we, too, shall see the iron swim.

I want to see the marvels of God working in my family, in my friends lives, and in my church: I want to see the iron swim!

Blessings!

a truth was unfolding . . .

May 2011

In May of 2011, another temporal disappointment was looming. My granddaughter was graduating college in KS and then my daughter and the family were going to move back to Texas after being gone for 16 years.  And, where was I going to be?  At home still under siege from shingles. Heavenly Father? Are you serious? 

Yes, He was. And, He was tenderly showing me Himself - truths about what He knows to be most important in a believer's life.

Ahhh, yes! this was beginning to be an amazing journey.

A few (of many) things recorded in my Thanksgiving Journal during May 2011:

~ giving me a new outlook
~ "He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus." 1 Corinthians 1.30
~ some precious FB messages from family
~ Isaiah 58.8
~ sent home from work to begin working VPN most of the time
~ lots of pain
~ my soul feels cast down
~ He took me to Psalm 42 (5/13/11)
(This Psalm would become very dear to me in coming months - read it and meditate on it! so rich and encouraging and hopeful)
~ family has arrived back in Texas - safe travel - all are well!
~  family came to my house - celebrated all our May birthdays! Precious day!
~ more and more revelations about my spiritual needs
~ Christ's blood shed for me
~ phone calls from dear friends - prayer
~ pain never ceases
~ joy in the pain
~ slept six hours last night!
~ struggled for the last few days - have I let my guard down?
~ I'm so weak
~ May 25 - Ps. 27.11 "Teach me Your way, O LORD, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies."

(This verse has become a daily prayer since 2011. The first phrase "teach me Your way, O LORD" was becoming more than just a phrase - that's serious business - for the LORD to "teach us His way." It changes everything. I'm learning to read Scripture in a deeper way.)

May slipped into June into July. The kids moved back home and I couldn't even go see them! Memorial Day family celebrations; July 4 family celebration - nope - not there.  All that summer, the only times I went forth were to an acupuncturist - 13 treatments. She had had great success with people in my condition. So, was this the answer?  Maybe?

January 12, 2013:

Looking back at 2011 and reflecing on that time here in the beginning of 2013 is very therapeutic. I am able to see lessons learned, graces poured out, mercy received, prayers answered.

And it goes on. He is ever present. He is all-in-all.

In Ps. 42.11, I made a notation back in 2011. The verse:
"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."

Beside that verse, I wrote in my Bible, "God knows and He is always good."  That phrase has become a part of me. I have said it dozens and dozens of time on the past 20 months. When people want to lament that I'm still "the same," I find myself saying that phrase to them - and meaning it with all my heart. This was/is His providential plan for my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

More later, little blog . . .
Jayne 

Hard Lessons - Contentment

April 2011

Oh, no! My granddaughter's college senior piano recital is at the end of this month and I'm not going to be well enough to drive to Kansas!  God, are You sure? 

During the week that I fully expected to be in KS, I wrote in my journal of things I was trying to be and/or learning to be thankful for:
~ missing Lexi's recital
~ hard lessons
~ pain intense
~ loved by God
~ He loves me enough to "put me down" (home bound)
~ He loves me enough to clean me up (of luke-warmness)
~ quiet early morning by the fire
~ joy
~ what He is teaching me through the pain of shingles

In my daily devotions the morning of April 30, 2011, I read in "Voices from the Past" - Puritan Devotionals:
When Samuel told Eli that God would judge his house, 'It is the LORD,' said Eli, 'Let Him do what seems good to Him.'
In the storm it is the humble heart that exercises patience. I am afflicted says the humble soul, but it is a mercy I am not destroyed. Though I have fallen into a pit, it is free grace that I have not fallen into hell. God is too just to wrong me, and too gracious to harm me; and therefore I will be still and quiet; let Him do what He will with me.
Remember, it is not easy in affliction and tribulation to hold our peace, yet it is very advantageous.
-Thomas Brooks, 17th cent.


January 6, 2013

Today, January 6, I look back at 2011 and am amazed and surprised at some of my journal musings. God was quickly teaching me through my having to "be still" that He is sovereign -  I could not fix this health thing and plow my way through (like I was used to doing).

Now, nearly two years later, it's becoming (usually) my first reaction when trials come (personal, family or work related) to seek God's face first and not go into "worry 101 mode." 

Wait!  Pray first! 

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27.14

From "My Utmost for His Highest" - by Oswald Chambers on January 4:
There are time when you cannot understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings the blank space, see that you do not fill it in, but WAIT.  The blank space may come in order to teach you what sanctification means, or it may come after sanctification to teach you what service means. Never run before God's guidance. If there is the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt - don't!

In my thanksgiving journal for Jan. 2013:
~ the blank spaces
~ I'm less impulsive now
~ prayer
~ contentment

Blessings,
Jayne

Happy New Year ~

New Year's Day:

Today was a wonderful day with family ~ black eyed peas (of course) and cheese grits (also, of course) and good convos about the Lord's blessings to us even in the midst of some real trials!

2012 has been a year of trials, afflictions, job losses, health problems (even for the young folks in the family) and the birth of my fourth great-granddaughter.

Back again to my reflections ~

 

March/April of 2011: shingles going full force
~ Lyrica
~ L-lysine
~ lots of supplements
Dr. said the pain should subside soon ~ (didn't happen)

~ Mid April - Holy Week approaches:
I coordinate all the services - part of my job (I work at a large church); how was I going to do it this year? Couldn't stand to have clothes on my back. Hmmmm.... This could be interesting!  The church tech department set me up to work from home VPN in April! God is good and is working out details to show me that He is in control of all this. I was able to do bulletins for 10 services from home with limited trips into the office.  I was beginning to see His sovereign hand in this.

Let me add here: 

I'm never sick. This was very stressful to me - I'm always able to be at work!

God was beginning to show me that my dependence has been on my own ability

and not on Him.

 

 

January 2013:

This morning I read in "Voices from the Past" -

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8.31

Do not be discouraged at the difficulties and oppositions that will rise up before you when you begin resolvedly to walk with God. Discouragements turn multitudes from religion and provide a great temptation for many young beginners to turn back. God Himself will have His servants and His graces tried and exercised by difficulties and the enemy will quickly raise up storms before you as soon as you are set out to sea. But God is on our side and has all our enemies in His hand and can rebuke them or destroy them in a moment. Do not be afraid where Christ is leading the way. Do not draw back when you see His steps and His blood.    - Richard Baxter, 17th cent.

 

Hallelujah and Amen!

 

Jayne